It doesnt matter how long a relationship last, even a 3-4mths relationship can completely wrecked a person because you believe you can be with him forever. As far as my nervous systems was concerned, I was already married to him. When i had to end it because i dun want him to 2-time, it is exquisitely painful although there is no physical injuries in my body. Now is a huge negative feeling but yet i find myself compelled to go over and over memories and hope which makes the feeling worst because I dont know if the feeling will ever end.
Everyday i'm like telling myself, " This is ridiculous! I have got to stop!" The thoughts wouldn't stop. I didn't want to think about him, but I couldn't help it. I realized that I wasn't in charge of my own brain. What is going on? I feel so loss and painful. I dun know if itz because I desire so much for us to work out.
My balance is upset, and my feelings change from one minute to the next. I am overwhelmed with anger at him. One minute I desperate to see him, the next I can't bear to have anyone mention his name. This volatility and confusion add to the misery. I need to overcome this, I need him out of my life for me to heal. I mean completely. How can i heal when i'm still attached to U. If not my feeling will never be ready to improve.
Sometimes, I feel bad for a while then it stop, then I feel fine, then I feel sad again, then sadness stops. Sometimes, I feel guilty. Sometimes, I wanna blame u for letting my heart bleed. Sometimes, I feel mayb because I haben done enuff, it's my fault. Sometimes, I feel like i'm to harsh need to give you time. Sometimes, I feel I should not alway give in and alway think for U. Sometimes, I feel I have to be brave and strong and think for me for a change.
I experience a welter of feelings. I can be angry, sad, devastated, despairing, distraught, desperate, remorseful, regretful, ashamed, embarrassed. The emotional bombardment is overwhelming. I cannot prevent all these feeling because I care and I am hurt.
